Bias Brings Conflict

 
Isn’t it amazing through the eyes of children they can expose our faults or truths without hesitation?  I find it interesting how insightful they can sometimes be with their words.  Typically, between 3 to 5 years old an enlightening occurs and the no holds barred verbal assault begins, “Dad your mean”, “I don’t like your car”, or “you yell a lot”.  At times, it takes the wind out of your sails and for a brief moment you pause and reflect, is that really me?  What do they see that I don’t?  Their brutal honesty at times can crack fragile egos leaving us in a puddle of yolk.  How did we get to this place in life by muddling through blind to our behaviors or habits?  Clarity of thought absent from years of bias must surely aid their unobstructed vision. 
 
We all started with a clean slate, free of bias and living in ignorant bliss.  Our understanding of the world is so largely dependent on teachings, life experiences, and the ability to process data.  We learn from our parents to avoid strangers. We learn from a hot stove not to touch.  We interpret data progressively, based on our intellect and emotional intelligence.  From these prior life lessons, we become good at recognizing or establishing patterns that help us to quickly understand our world around us with greater efficiency.  From prior experiences or learned behaviors, we develop biases as we become accustomed to experience and their anticipated outcomes.   Over time, we inherit these biases and they become a part of our everyday fabric. They impact how we interact with our surroundings, people and community.
 
Do babies see skin color, social, or economic status to the extent that they develop an opinion about someone?  What do you assume, when you drive by someone who is walking to work or boarding a bus concerning their socioeconomic status?  At some point, we acquired and learned social norms relative to what we have been exposed to and consider familiar.  We seek likes and avoid dislikes as they may make us uncomfortable.  We live in our comfort zones seeking safety and shelter from risk.  We see shapes, sizes, races, status, and brands, while flocking to the ones we recognize and value. 
 
When differences occur or conflicts arise, the battle lines form and we start positioning for our attack and defense.  At what point do you truly considered another’s perspective prior to fully committing your support to your own campaign?  I mean seriously, why listen to another’s point of view, because after all, you are always right?  “My way or the highway” as the saying goes.  It is hard to deny that we are predisposed to supporting our own belief first.  After all, they are your own ideas and further investing into the establishment requires much less time and energy compared to the alternative.  Our biases can be found everywhere, but recognizing them can sometimes be tricky as we become accustomed to our way of thinking and operating.
 
For instance, have you ever witnessed “The Home Depot Hover” or “The Lowes Levitator” at those free children workshops offered on the weekends?  Let me explain. If you are parents of small children, you obviously want what is best for your offspring.  So, when that free craft is bestowed upon the righteous hand of your sweet child and it happens to be missing a part, what is your response?  Do you hover around looking for a spare part that happens to be from another unsuspecting participant?  Do you expeditiously levitate to the nearest store manager and request an immediate replacement to spare your child the indignity of not having a complete craft that will likely be in the trash by the end of the day?   After all, our biological philanthropy, time, financial resources and our family heritage are all at stake, not to mention our kid’s feelings and our reputation as caregivers. 
 
Can you consider and acknowledge your own biases and how it may impact your decision-making process?  Can you temporarily remove yourself from engaging in conflict to objectively review the variables with a 360-degree field of vision?  Do you recognize your personal investments and how they may impact your view of the world around you?  Do you see truths and realities or do you see allusions created by your own personal bias?  Opening your mind to alternative views provides opportunities to expand your understanding and see alternative opinions objectively. Mutually granting stakeholders opportunities for open and honest dialog allows ideas to rise on merit and not bias. 
 
The biases we are talking about are often at the center of many conflicts.  We all want to personally feel heard, validated, and important. When we fall short on addressing these needs, the embers of conflict can spark.  Acknowledging that biases exist, requires us to create channels to encourage common footing for discussion and dialog.  If we are only shouting back and forth about our own goals and objectives, the tension escalates and the dialog turns off.  The goal is to open the dialog, deescalate tension, and create an environment of honest transparent exploration free of bias.  It all starts with finding a mutual position to leverage collaborative efforts. 
 
In typical changing waves fashion, leverage for common ground and position should always start from the heart.  None said better than Theodore Roosevelt, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care”.  Opening a dialog with a message of genuine care and interest towards others is a sure way to create allies.  Once people know your intentions, they can more easily realign their expectations to shared goals.  If the goals are pure and serve a higher purpose than self, more traction can be gained.  Your intentions should be transparent and honest to gain credibility.  Understanding clear goals and objectives is key, however conveying this message is critical.  During this dialog, if you notice signs of frustrations, take a time out to recognize these feeling and explore.  You never know what you may find.  Ask about expectations and objectives of other parties to sort out biases and other valid opinions.  Have realistic boundaries of what you can and cannot do and make that clear.  Move forward together on mutual footing embracing progress.  Accept and recognize not all issues can be resolved but there is no need to fret, as with time and experience things can change. 
 
Finally, understanding how biases can fuel conflict, we should attempt to explore our own biases and recognize their impact on our own lives and the world around us.  In a call for collaboration, start with the heart, inquire about expectations, and work towards a higher calling, dismissing selfish ambition.  So, maybe next time you drive or walk by someone whose arms are filled with groceries or who are walking to work in the snow, test your bias and consider how you might help them.   
 
Please reflect on the lyrics of a Buffalo Springfield’s song.       
 
There's something happening here
What it is ain't exactly clear
There's a man with a gun over there
Telling me I got to beware
 
I think it's time we stop, children, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down
 
There's battle lines being drawn
Nobody's right if everybody's wrong
Young people speaking their minds
Getting so much resistance from behind
 
It's time we stop, hey, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down
 
What a field-day for the heat
A thousand people in the street
Singing songs and carrying signs
Mostly say, hooray for our side
 
It's s time we stop, hey, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down
 
Paranoia strikes deep
Into your life it will creep
It starts when you're always afraid
You step out of line, the man come and take you away
 
We better stop, hey, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down
Stop, hey, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down
Stop, now, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down
Stop, children, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down